


One More Ghost to Haunt Me

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: The Symphony of Our Catastrophe [35]
Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alcohol, Boys In Love, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Poor Charles, Protective Erik Lehnsherr, X-Men: First Class (2011)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-19 23:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19982461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: In the aftermath of Darwin and Angel, Charles realizes the severity of his decision to help the CIA. Erik helps in his own wayDay 1: Grief





	One More Ghost to Haunt Me

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the prompt list: https://birdiiielle.tumblr.com/post/178490486915/do-you-like-angst-do-you-like-monthly
> 
> Note: Uploads will not be daily, just when inspiration strikes.
> 
> Day 1: Grief

The mood, despite the initial excitement surrounding the thought of living in a mansion, was somber for most of the evening. Charles stared over the rim of the single glass of wine he’d allowed himself, at the gathering of people. They were in the family room, though he didn’t think it had earned that name until tonight, and everyone was quietly munching at the assorted take-out.

In the background the TV droned while Alex and Sean pretended to watch, eyes spending more time on the food in their laps. At the base of the couch, sitting on the floor with their back to the boys, were Raven and Hank, heads tilted together and voices murmuring softly.

Charles sighed, took a deep breath. It was difficult sitting here at the table in the corner, watching these children process something like grief for the first time. They had difficult backgrounds, of course they did, but this was a special brand of suffering and the worst part of it all, was that it was Charles’s fault.

In a way, the cloud of sorrow surrounding the minds around him and infecting his soul, felt like an acceptable penance. Perhaps that was why he didn’t leave, didn’t install space between himself and the children. Because he deserved it, because the least he could do was sit here and bear witness to what he had done, to Darwin, to Angel.

There was the briefest spark of another mind approaching, making Charles tense as his eyes swept toward the entrance. Erik had stolen some food and then disappeared, well technically, not to Charles of course. He had gone for a walk around the estate and while fresh air might be a viable excuse, Charles knew better after all this time. Perimeter check, quick escape, familiarization, strategizing.

The last thing Charles expected was for Erik to come anywhere near this room. He wasn’t one to sit and mope about what had happened, seemed perfectly alright with the fact they had recruited a man to his death. Darwin had been perfectly happy in his day to day existence and while he’d dreamed of something better for one shining moment, all he’d gotten was what he least deserved.

Charles was exhausted. He had no words of debate to offer Erik and wanted no logical reassurances in return, so he ignored when a lean shadow stood in the doorway. Charles kept his eyes fixed on the screen and the quiet, hurting, thoughts drifting in and around him.

Erik moved closer, approaching slowly, and Charles didn’t react. Eventually, the chair across from him was pulled out and he was sitting directly in Charles’s line of sight. He swallowed thickly, met vibrant green eyes with his own, hoping enough was displayed to warn against intrusive words.

He always did seem to be too hopeful when it came to Erik.

_Charles?_

He sipped his drink. Looked away.

_Charles. It wasn’t our fault. Darwin and Angel chose-_

His gaze snapped to Erik’s. The sharpness of the movement seemed to give him pause, that mental voice, which had been so coaxing, cutting off. Charles didn’t respond, though words burned on his throat and tongue, couldn’t. He feared it would start a flood and he’d be so swept up in the current he wouldn’t be able to stop, not just his own guilt and fears, but those of the others in the room too. Charles wouldn’t risk it, not with the children there and not with Erik so god damn callous to grief and loss, to everything that had just happened.

He was in over his head. Moira had convinced him to join this crusade, but it had never been about stopping Shaw, not directly. Charles had wanted to find others like him and Raven, wanted to offer guidance and aid. Wanted Shaw not to tarnish the image of a race before they were ready to step onto the world stage. He wanted to help.

Perhaps Erik was right about how naïve he was.

It was impossible to hide his startlement when a hand wrapped suddenly around his own, currently holding the stem of his wine glass. Charles stared down at where long fingers carefully pried his own off and slid the glass away and out of reach. Part of him wanted to snap at Erik for stealing away the only solace he had on this dismal evening, but it was quickly quieted at that warm hand came back to twine with his now empty hand.

Charles glanced up to find Erik watching him, something like regret in his eyes. It would be so easy to just sneak a peak, see what he was really thinking. He didn’t. Charles had rules for reason and besides, this was…nice. Intentions were a sure-fire way to ruin it.

The thumb of Erik’s hand freed itself only to begin rubbing soft circles on the back of Charles’s hand and he’d deny it to his dying day, but the action made his eyes sting and his heart skip a beat. It always seemed like that with Erik, ever since he’d dragged him from the ocean. For a man who claimed intimacy was not a part of his life and violence his chosen method of touch, he proven himself remarkably gentle these past weeks.

_I’m sorry._

Charles shook his head. He didn’t want apologies, especially not sincere ones. Instead, Charles gripped his hand tighter, searching for some anchor to keep him from drifting away in self-loathing, to keep him here for the children still in their care. He needed to do better, they did. What happened to Darwin and even Angel’s decision, couldn’t happen again.

Despite himself, some of that must have projected, because Erik was leaning forward, eyes shining with an intensity that should have been unsettling but was really just what Charles needed.

_It won’t happen again. I promise._

Erik never seemed to realize the difference between the possible and impossible. He had made all sorts of promises in the sanctuary of their motel rooms with stolen kisses, heard and unheard. In fact, Charles knew just how many promises had been made that would one day shatter around him. He didn’t bring that up, Erik would deny it and that was ok. Charles just pulled up their entwined hand until he could press a kiss to their fingers, eyes falling closed, and pretending, just for one single moment, he was ok. They were ok.


End file.
